October 28, 2009
Happiest Almost Halloween!
I just read comments that have been posted to me....I really touched by Transversegirl! I had a beautiful cry after I read your post. You all have inspired me to write more and to know that what I say is making a difference! I am sooooo proud of all of you who are brave enough to make choices that are so difficult in today's world. I know in my heart by making these choices the world will have to listen to the transgender community!! As a mom it was no easy task to be supportive at the beginning of my son's journey, but I had to get aboard the train very quickly so I could be along for the ride! I also encourage all parents to help your children with health care and surgery issues. I was so afraid of bad choices that would be made if we did not offer to help. It was truly the most loving thing we have done, being included in the surgery and after surgery care was hard, I think I was in a walking coma the day of the surgery! But how fun was it to get my first "It's A BOY" card from my sons room mates! I still have that card posted in my sewing room where I see it everyday! I have never cooked so much as that 10 days!! Breakfast lunch and dinner for a houseful... What a joy every night to hear every ones stories and be part of those in transition! I would not trade that time with my child for anything on this earth!
Moms out there... Cherish what you have, not what you don't have!! Look for the beauty and love in your child, believe me it is there! Be proud of the bravery of your child and be a voice for change.
Warmest Hugs and Kisses to All
Your Jewish Mother!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Oct 20, 2009
Wow I have some exciting news! I just finished a quilt therapy project.... Pictures to be posted when I get Hubbie to do the teckie work. Queen Bling the name of the project was started 6 months after my son started taking the hormones.... What a hard time that was! We were living hundreds of miles apart and only saw each other at 4 month intervals and the changes were amazing....It was hard enough to hear the voice deepening on the phone but to see your daughter almost son with full facial hair is something all together different, Yikes! I would retreat to my bed where I could hide under the covers and know this too shall pass. Little did I know on one Occasion my Sweet son would be a dead ringer for Abraham Lincoln full beard and all... I can laugh now, but at the time I could barley seen Thur all the tears.
Oh yes, I got off the subject which happens a lot once you hit 50+
I am going back about 2 years now.... In one of my therapy sessions (remember St George, yes he is still around) He told me I had constructed a shrine to my kid! And as hard as it was for me to agree he was right(gosh I hate when they are right) I ran around the house like the crazy person we already know I am and removed everything including almost all people of my baby girl. When I placed everything in the box there were two items I could not part with. My daughters pink leather baby shoes and a petticoat worn to her birthday. This would be become the jump off point for the quilt! Yes it is 3-d and the shoes and petticoat are a main part of the design she is almost 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide and simply BEAUTIFUL! It was my way of saying good by to my daughter and hello to my new gorgeous son! I worked on the project day and night for a year and a half and yes I was obsessed! I am hoping to enter her in some quilt shows and a quilting magazine so her story can be told!
I am excited for my son to view my treasure as it is a gift to him! This blog is a gift to us both.... I being the Jewish Mother I am life is not so easy with me. I come equipped with foot in mouth disease along with other nagging ways... It really is the good bad and the ugly!
I am pleased to hear that my sweet baby boy has passed this info on to members of his trans man group and I welcome you all with open arms and a bowl of matzo ball soup! Please read and understand what it must be like for your moms. The best thing I have learned recently is as hard as this journey has been for me I can only imagine how hard it is for all of you.... I am awed by the courage it takes.... I wish I knew then how much courage it took for my baby to tell me in that mountain cabin, and I wish I could of just hugged him and we could of taken the journey together.... I will regret that for the rest of my life! Oy the things I wish I could have a do over on! Oh no the tears are flooding my desk right now, time to go buy stock in Kleenex!
Until we meet again....
Wow I have some exciting news! I just finished a quilt therapy project.... Pictures to be posted when I get Hubbie to do the teckie work. Queen Bling the name of the project was started 6 months after my son started taking the hormones.... What a hard time that was! We were living hundreds of miles apart and only saw each other at 4 month intervals and the changes were amazing....It was hard enough to hear the voice deepening on the phone but to see your daughter almost son with full facial hair is something all together different, Yikes! I would retreat to my bed where I could hide under the covers and know this too shall pass. Little did I know on one Occasion my Sweet son would be a dead ringer for Abraham Lincoln full beard and all... I can laugh now, but at the time I could barley seen Thur all the tears.
Oh yes, I got off the subject which happens a lot once you hit 50+
I am going back about 2 years now.... In one of my therapy sessions (remember St George, yes he is still around) He told me I had constructed a shrine to my kid! And as hard as it was for me to agree he was right(gosh I hate when they are right) I ran around the house like the crazy person we already know I am and removed everything including almost all people of my baby girl. When I placed everything in the box there were two items I could not part with. My daughters pink leather baby shoes and a petticoat worn to her birthday. This would be become the jump off point for the quilt! Yes it is 3-d and the shoes and petticoat are a main part of the design she is almost 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide and simply BEAUTIFUL! It was my way of saying good by to my daughter and hello to my new gorgeous son! I worked on the project day and night for a year and a half and yes I was obsessed! I am hoping to enter her in some quilt shows and a quilting magazine so her story can be told!
I am excited for my son to view my treasure as it is a gift to him! This blog is a gift to us both.... I being the Jewish Mother I am life is not so easy with me. I come equipped with foot in mouth disease along with other nagging ways... It really is the good bad and the ugly!
I am pleased to hear that my sweet baby boy has passed this info on to members of his trans man group and I welcome you all with open arms and a bowl of matzo ball soup! Please read and understand what it must be like for your moms. The best thing I have learned recently is as hard as this journey has been for me I can only imagine how hard it is for all of you.... I am awed by the courage it takes.... I wish I knew then how much courage it took for my baby to tell me in that mountain cabin, and I wish I could of just hugged him and we could of taken the journey together.... I will regret that for the rest of my life! Oy the things I wish I could have a do over on! Oh no the tears are flooding my desk right now, time to go buy stock in Kleenex!
Until we meet again....
Monday, September 28, 2009
Sept 28 Today is Yom Kippur.... When you fast all day and attend services to atone for all your sins.... Since I am perfect and no sins LOL .... I am instead in a reflective mood , looking for peace and calm... I don't understand how the older I get the less I know! I used to be so smart and knew everything.... Now I seem to know nothing... How can that be???
I think since our son came out to us.... My world has been more based in the Twilight zone then the reality that most other people operate in....It has almost been 2 years since his top surgery and I think at last I have found the peace and calm I have been seeking... I now want my voice to be heard and I want everyone to know how proud I am and how brave he was to make all the right choices for himself. I no longer cringe every time someone uses the wrong pronoun when speaking to me about my son, but I make sure to correct them.... because in time they will get it right. I even am getting used to the tats and the artistry behind them.
I still am in therapy and I think getting ready to graduate again ( I think I am fine until life slams into me and I find myself desperate to talk to George again)
Last night I had a delightful conversation with my son and told him about this blog for the first time... He was pleased and supportive and wants to pass this address onto others moms like me.... Yippeeeeee.... We also had one of his best friends come and spend the night with us and it was interesting to see how he gained a greater understanding of what his mom must be going through by reading this :)
I was curious this morning and did a google search on FTM Mom.... Do you want to know what comes up..... "First time mom" or "Full time mom" YIKES!!!! Guess I will just go into the garden, pick some flowers and find joy in the simple pleasures like has to offer....
I think since our son came out to us.... My world has been more based in the Twilight zone then the reality that most other people operate in....It has almost been 2 years since his top surgery and I think at last I have found the peace and calm I have been seeking... I now want my voice to be heard and I want everyone to know how proud I am and how brave he was to make all the right choices for himself. I no longer cringe every time someone uses the wrong pronoun when speaking to me about my son, but I make sure to correct them.... because in time they will get it right. I even am getting used to the tats and the artistry behind them.
I still am in therapy and I think getting ready to graduate again ( I think I am fine until life slams into me and I find myself desperate to talk to George again)
Last night I had a delightful conversation with my son and told him about this blog for the first time... He was pleased and supportive and wants to pass this address onto others moms like me.... Yippeeeeee.... We also had one of his best friends come and spend the night with us and it was interesting to see how he gained a greater understanding of what his mom must be going through by reading this :)
I was curious this morning and did a google search on FTM Mom.... Do you want to know what comes up..... "First time mom" or "Full time mom" YIKES!!!! Guess I will just go into the garden, pick some flowers and find joy in the simple pleasures like has to offer....
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wed 9-10-90
Tomorrow is 9\11.... I Just want to send a message of Peace and Love to all people of the world....But the biggest hugs and kisses are for for the trans and gay communities...
My ideas are still not gelled and my communication skills are not where I would like them to be, but I want to be a voice for ALL MOMS out there who are struggling with their children's choices.... It has taken me several years and lots of therapy (and yes some anti-depressants, which I thought I would rather die then take)... and the occasional sleeping pill) to get me to realise I have no control over my sons choices and I would rather be his over the hill jewish cheerleading mom then a nobody in his rich life.
The most warm welcome I ever received was post top surgery... My husband and I took 10 days off to take care of our son before during and after surgery. At the end of the week we all went to a gay bar where our son wanted to celebrate! I received sooooo many hugs and well wishes, because no one could believe how supportive we were.... Most everyone in the bar had a heart wrenching horrible breakup with almost all family members.....The best thing I learned that night was to cherish and cheer our son to succeed in all he wants to do!
Of course being the Jewish Mother I am, that is asking for the impossible... I cannot keep my mouth shut and more often then not I get myself into trouble.... Speaking of trouble, what is it with trans-men and tattoos.... OY, Saint George (the therapist) really gave me a what for when I complained about my son coming home with yet another tattoo and not telling me first....Unfortunately for me that was the session I brought my son with me.... I was blasted for not having the right to be told as it was none of my buisness (just because my son is 25 and an adult, I thought as his mother I had the right-YIKES) My son was doing the happy dance that day and I came home and went to bed to ponder on all my other mistakes, and there have been way too many!
I am finding this blog helful to me to retell stories that seemed overwhelming at the time, but have now mellowed (like a fine wine) into lots of insight and fewer tears..... Yes, I still cry rivers over the craziest things but I recover faster these days and Saint George is there to help put all into prespective for me... I am still longing for the day when I don't have to reach for the kleenex box in George's office, but sweet man that he is says I can use as many as I want.....I also keep kleenex in almost every room in the house.... better to be prepared!
Until we meet again....
Tomorrow is 9\11.... I Just want to send a message of Peace and Love to all people of the world....But the biggest hugs and kisses are for for the trans and gay communities...
My ideas are still not gelled and my communication skills are not where I would like them to be, but I want to be a voice for ALL MOMS out there who are struggling with their children's choices.... It has taken me several years and lots of therapy (and yes some anti-depressants, which I thought I would rather die then take)... and the occasional sleeping pill) to get me to realise I have no control over my sons choices and I would rather be his over the hill jewish cheerleading mom then a nobody in his rich life.
The most warm welcome I ever received was post top surgery... My husband and I took 10 days off to take care of our son before during and after surgery. At the end of the week we all went to a gay bar where our son wanted to celebrate! I received sooooo many hugs and well wishes, because no one could believe how supportive we were.... Most everyone in the bar had a heart wrenching horrible breakup with almost all family members.....The best thing I learned that night was to cherish and cheer our son to succeed in all he wants to do!
Of course being the Jewish Mother I am, that is asking for the impossible... I cannot keep my mouth shut and more often then not I get myself into trouble.... Speaking of trouble, what is it with trans-men and tattoos.... OY, Saint George (the therapist) really gave me a what for when I complained about my son coming home with yet another tattoo and not telling me first....Unfortunately for me that was the session I brought my son with me.... I was blasted for not having the right to be told as it was none of my buisness (just because my son is 25 and an adult, I thought as his mother I had the right-YIKES) My son was doing the happy dance that day and I came home and went to bed to ponder on all my other mistakes, and there have been way too many!
I am finding this blog helful to me to retell stories that seemed overwhelming at the time, but have now mellowed (like a fine wine) into lots of insight and fewer tears..... Yes, I still cry rivers over the craziest things but I recover faster these days and Saint George is there to help put all into prespective for me... I am still longing for the day when I don't have to reach for the kleenex box in George's office, but sweet man that he is says I can use as many as I want.....I also keep kleenex in almost every room in the house.... better to be prepared!
Until we meet again....
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Oy.... I had therapy today and learned I am not crazy and yes.... my issues are big ones!
Today is Sept 8 and this is my first blog entry....
As you can tell from the name of my blog, my daughter is now my son(FTM).
This is my story.....The adventure of a Jewish Mother (Me) navigating the wonderful world of Trans-gender.
I have started this blog as a way to reach out to other mothers like me who have felt all alone and unable to cope with the emotions that come with your child taking this journey.
The hardest part of my journey has been walking the trail alone with no other mommies to share the experience with. I have longed for group therapy sessions where we all can share stories as our children transition. The Twilight Zone moments when you are doing the Happy Dance because the Court Order was approved! And everyone else in the room is thinking you are crazy and only the therapist thinks your not!
I will be sharing my journey that began in Feb 2007 in a secluded mountain cabin where we were snowed in. That was the moment Tori decided to tell us he had already started taking hormones.... Well sometimes God works miracles because if we were not trapped at that moment we may never have calmed down and begun the journey together....My story will continue tomorrow... Just like a soap opera
I would enjoy feedback and comments from any parent or supporter of the Transgender community. I believe if you don't have something nice to say... then don't say anything at all!
Today is Sept 8 and this is my first blog entry....
As you can tell from the name of my blog, my daughter is now my son(FTM).
This is my story.....The adventure of a Jewish Mother (Me) navigating the wonderful world of Trans-gender.
I have started this blog as a way to reach out to other mothers like me who have felt all alone and unable to cope with the emotions that come with your child taking this journey.
The hardest part of my journey has been walking the trail alone with no other mommies to share the experience with. I have longed for group therapy sessions where we all can share stories as our children transition. The Twilight Zone moments when you are doing the Happy Dance because the Court Order was approved! And everyone else in the room is thinking you are crazy and only the therapist thinks your not!
I will be sharing my journey that began in Feb 2007 in a secluded mountain cabin where we were snowed in. That was the moment Tori decided to tell us he had already started taking hormones.... Well sometimes God works miracles because if we were not trapped at that moment we may never have calmed down and begun the journey together....My story will continue tomorrow... Just like a soap opera
I would enjoy feedback and comments from any parent or supporter of the Transgender community. I believe if you don't have something nice to say... then don't say anything at all!
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