Sept 28 Today is Yom Kippur.... When you fast all day and attend services to atone for all your sins.... Since I am perfect and no sins LOL .... I am instead in a reflective mood , looking for peace and calm... I don't understand how the older I get the less I know! I used to be so smart and knew everything.... Now I seem to know nothing... How can that be???
I think since our son came out to us.... My world has been more based in the Twilight zone then the reality that most other people operate in....It has almost been 2 years since his top surgery and I think at last I have found the peace and calm I have been seeking... I now want my voice to be heard and I want everyone to know how proud I am and how brave he was to make all the right choices for himself. I no longer cringe every time someone uses the wrong pronoun when speaking to me about my son, but I make sure to correct them.... because in time they will get it right. I even am getting used to the tats and the artistry behind them.
I still am in therapy and I think getting ready to graduate again ( I think I am fine until life slams into me and I find myself desperate to talk to George again)
Last night I had a delightful conversation with my son and told him about this blog for the first time... He was pleased and supportive and wants to pass this address onto others moms like me.... Yippeeeeee.... We also had one of his best friends come and spend the night with us and it was interesting to see how he gained a greater understanding of what his mom must be going through by reading this :)
I was curious this morning and did a google search on FTM Mom.... Do you want to know what comes up..... "First time mom" or "Full time mom" YIKES!!!! Guess I will just go into the garden, pick some flowers and find joy in the simple pleasures like has to offer....
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wed 9-10-90
Tomorrow is 9\11.... I Just want to send a message of Peace and Love to all people of the world....But the biggest hugs and kisses are for for the trans and gay communities...
My ideas are still not gelled and my communication skills are not where I would like them to be, but I want to be a voice for ALL MOMS out there who are struggling with their children's choices.... It has taken me several years and lots of therapy (and yes some anti-depressants, which I thought I would rather die then take)... and the occasional sleeping pill) to get me to realise I have no control over my sons choices and I would rather be his over the hill jewish cheerleading mom then a nobody in his rich life.
The most warm welcome I ever received was post top surgery... My husband and I took 10 days off to take care of our son before during and after surgery. At the end of the week we all went to a gay bar where our son wanted to celebrate! I received sooooo many hugs and well wishes, because no one could believe how supportive we were.... Most everyone in the bar had a heart wrenching horrible breakup with almost all family members.....The best thing I learned that night was to cherish and cheer our son to succeed in all he wants to do!
Of course being the Jewish Mother I am, that is asking for the impossible... I cannot keep my mouth shut and more often then not I get myself into trouble.... Speaking of trouble, what is it with trans-men and tattoos.... OY, Saint George (the therapist) really gave me a what for when I complained about my son coming home with yet another tattoo and not telling me first....Unfortunately for me that was the session I brought my son with me.... I was blasted for not having the right to be told as it was none of my buisness (just because my son is 25 and an adult, I thought as his mother I had the right-YIKES) My son was doing the happy dance that day and I came home and went to bed to ponder on all my other mistakes, and there have been way too many!
I am finding this blog helful to me to retell stories that seemed overwhelming at the time, but have now mellowed (like a fine wine) into lots of insight and fewer tears..... Yes, I still cry rivers over the craziest things but I recover faster these days and Saint George is there to help put all into prespective for me... I am still longing for the day when I don't have to reach for the kleenex box in George's office, but sweet man that he is says I can use as many as I want.....I also keep kleenex in almost every room in the house.... better to be prepared!
Until we meet again....
Tomorrow is 9\11.... I Just want to send a message of Peace and Love to all people of the world....But the biggest hugs and kisses are for for the trans and gay communities...
My ideas are still not gelled and my communication skills are not where I would like them to be, but I want to be a voice for ALL MOMS out there who are struggling with their children's choices.... It has taken me several years and lots of therapy (and yes some anti-depressants, which I thought I would rather die then take)... and the occasional sleeping pill) to get me to realise I have no control over my sons choices and I would rather be his over the hill jewish cheerleading mom then a nobody in his rich life.
The most warm welcome I ever received was post top surgery... My husband and I took 10 days off to take care of our son before during and after surgery. At the end of the week we all went to a gay bar where our son wanted to celebrate! I received sooooo many hugs and well wishes, because no one could believe how supportive we were.... Most everyone in the bar had a heart wrenching horrible breakup with almost all family members.....The best thing I learned that night was to cherish and cheer our son to succeed in all he wants to do!
Of course being the Jewish Mother I am, that is asking for the impossible... I cannot keep my mouth shut and more often then not I get myself into trouble.... Speaking of trouble, what is it with trans-men and tattoos.... OY, Saint George (the therapist) really gave me a what for when I complained about my son coming home with yet another tattoo and not telling me first....Unfortunately for me that was the session I brought my son with me.... I was blasted for not having the right to be told as it was none of my buisness (just because my son is 25 and an adult, I thought as his mother I had the right-YIKES) My son was doing the happy dance that day and I came home and went to bed to ponder on all my other mistakes, and there have been way too many!
I am finding this blog helful to me to retell stories that seemed overwhelming at the time, but have now mellowed (like a fine wine) into lots of insight and fewer tears..... Yes, I still cry rivers over the craziest things but I recover faster these days and Saint George is there to help put all into prespective for me... I am still longing for the day when I don't have to reach for the kleenex box in George's office, but sweet man that he is says I can use as many as I want.....I also keep kleenex in almost every room in the house.... better to be prepared!
Until we meet again....
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Oy.... I had therapy today and learned I am not crazy and yes.... my issues are big ones!
Today is Sept 8 and this is my first blog entry....
As you can tell from the name of my blog, my daughter is now my son(FTM).
This is my story.....The adventure of a Jewish Mother (Me) navigating the wonderful world of Trans-gender.
I have started this blog as a way to reach out to other mothers like me who have felt all alone and unable to cope with the emotions that come with your child taking this journey.
The hardest part of my journey has been walking the trail alone with no other mommies to share the experience with. I have longed for group therapy sessions where we all can share stories as our children transition. The Twilight Zone moments when you are doing the Happy Dance because the Court Order was approved! And everyone else in the room is thinking you are crazy and only the therapist thinks your not!
I will be sharing my journey that began in Feb 2007 in a secluded mountain cabin where we were snowed in. That was the moment Tori decided to tell us he had already started taking hormones.... Well sometimes God works miracles because if we were not trapped at that moment we may never have calmed down and begun the journey together....My story will continue tomorrow... Just like a soap opera
I would enjoy feedback and comments from any parent or supporter of the Transgender community. I believe if you don't have something nice to say... then don't say anything at all!
Today is Sept 8 and this is my first blog entry....
As you can tell from the name of my blog, my daughter is now my son(FTM).
This is my story.....The adventure of a Jewish Mother (Me) navigating the wonderful world of Trans-gender.
I have started this blog as a way to reach out to other mothers like me who have felt all alone and unable to cope with the emotions that come with your child taking this journey.
The hardest part of my journey has been walking the trail alone with no other mommies to share the experience with. I have longed for group therapy sessions where we all can share stories as our children transition. The Twilight Zone moments when you are doing the Happy Dance because the Court Order was approved! And everyone else in the room is thinking you are crazy and only the therapist thinks your not!
I will be sharing my journey that began in Feb 2007 in a secluded mountain cabin where we were snowed in. That was the moment Tori decided to tell us he had already started taking hormones.... Well sometimes God works miracles because if we were not trapped at that moment we may never have calmed down and begun the journey together....My story will continue tomorrow... Just like a soap opera
I would enjoy feedback and comments from any parent or supporter of the Transgender community. I believe if you don't have something nice to say... then don't say anything at all!
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